We all talk about how our jobs are going with our friends, and I think it's common for people to tell you that they're not happy with how their careers are going, or that they're feeling really down about being underemployed or unemployed. So let's have a conversation about this. What do you say to your friends who are feeling stuck or down about their careers?

A lot of my friends are in this place at this moment, and what I've been saying, is: This is just a blip in your life. This is not your whole life. This sucks right now but it will get better. But I also know that's not terribly helpful or insightful when you hate your job (I used to hate my job, and found this to be ... not terribly helpful or insightful.) But it's very hard to know what else to say. I mean, everyone hates their job at some point or another, so solidarity and empathy are a thing ... but just a small thing.

I tend to be a little more specific and take-charge when it comes to this sort of conversation. I remember in 2008 when the economy was down the toilet and it seemed like everyone was unemployed or underemployed, and I thought, yes, this sucks. And things are going to get better or I might as well jump off a cliff right now. But, okay, how can we speed up the process? I created a Google doc and shared it with everyone I knew who was unemployed, or underemployed, or simply looking for a job, and I started updating it every night with job opportunities I found that I thought people might be interested in applying for. It gave people leads. It made people feel like they weren't alone.

Yes that is extremely take charge! But also, you have friends who are basically all in the same industry: journalism and new media. I don't think that's necessarily common, to be in a position to help your friends with their job searches while you're doing you're own. Right now I have friends across the country and across industries who are seeking work—or seeking a change. And of course when I come across something I forward it on, but job most job searches are really specific to each person. At this point I feel like it's almost dumb luck, to have a job or not. So what is there to say, buy a rabbit's foot, wish on a star? IDK.

Oh, it's much more easy to be helpful if your friends share the same industry. For the longest time, my brother was looking for a job managing a restaurant, and I had no idea how to help him with that—especially from across the country. But I think it helped that we talked on the phone. It's like therapy, in a way. When you're out with friends, it's like group therapy. I have a friend right now who wants to get out of journalism and do something less stressful and better paid, and she already had interviews lined up. I told her she had my full support. I think knowing people are behind you helps a bit.

Do you think it's ever appropriate to be like, You know, you don't have it THAT bad? To someone who has a job and wants another one. Because, like you said earlier, I think everyone complains about their jobs at some point, but ... there's complaining because having to be somewhere everyday sucks (it does!) and then there's complaining because your boss is a fascist.

Have you ever been in that situation where one friend says, "God, I hate my job, you won't believe what happened today," and then looks over at the one who is under/unemployed and says, "sorry, I know I should feel lucky to have one?" The unemployed friend more often than not says, "No, don't stop because of me—your boss sounds like a nightmare." And if not: "Hey, listen, you don't have it that bad." I think that's what we do as friends: We put things in perspective for one another. We expect that real talk from them.

Oh Good Point (OGP). SO. Let's wrap this up. (We usually chat on gchat in real time for ten minutes, but with this new thing we're having a conversation very slowly, over hours, and that has resulted in longer responses from each of us, which, great, but it also seems to have eliminated all jokes, which will not/cannot stand.) So basically, if I understand correctly, what we're saying is: There is no script for when your friends are unemployed or looking for work. Help where you can and if you can, listen, be encouraging, provide some real talk if necessary. I feel like all these are all basic rules for friendship, but it's nice that the basic rules for friendship aso apply in this more specific situation! Rules! So great, so universal.

This is our very first Branch conversation, and I think it's been a very interesting case study. I'm going to open up this discussion to people who've asked to join the conversation.

Thanks for inviting me.

Milton Glaser, in his seminal essay "Ten things I have learned" (miltonglaser.com), talked about how some relationships are nourishing and some relationships are toxic. He goes on to suggest that our daily job is to focus on the nourishing relationships while trying to cut out the toxic ones.

When I find myself talking to friends who feel stuck in their lives, I try and hone into the things they find exhausting and the things they find energizing. It's typically quick to identify those elements that either are or have been energizing. And it's quick to identify what's exhausting.

Sometimes there are easy strategies to removing the exhausting bits, but sometimes it's difficult to do. Yet, knowing these two types of relationships are there can give someone a framework to realize there's something good that they enjoy. Once they can see it, they can start to focus on it, and it can give them strength.

Hope that helps.

I have plenty of empathy to share because a few years ago I was unemployed for almost a year and a half. I am truly blessed to be working.

One of the things I noticed is how easy it is to lose your sense of identity. In most social conversations one of the top 5 questions you hear is "So what do you do for a living?"

To someone unemployed that is a dreadful question that you try to avoid having to answer at all cost.

It starts to become counter-productive because now your not networking anymore and slowly falling out of touch with society. This is the time where a friend is needed most.

I like how Logan so eloquently posted "Help where you can and if you can, listen, be encouraging, provide some real talk if necessary."

I would ask them 1 question: what do you want to become? If the answer doesn't align with the job they're in currently, I would ask why. Their actual answer when broken all the way down: I'm afraid.

Afraid of failure, afraid it will be too hard, afraid of going broke, afraid of everything but living a life that they're excited to wake up for in the morning.

It is hard. You might fail. You might end up broke. But what the hell does it matter? You're going to be dead soon anyways. And what are you teaching your children? To settle? To put comfort over true callings? To leave the world worse than you found it?

If you're excited for Sunday nights instead of resentful, then you know you've found it. Your gut already knows the answer.

Some context: I've counseled a lot of friends over the years, have been unemployed myself (1.5yrs), and have my own issues regarding my career.

In my experience trying to placate my friends while dealing with my own job issues, I've found that hope and perspective are what people generally need most of. You're almost always dealing with capable people who are mired in their situation due to lack of options or awareness thereof. Whether it's encouraging them to change their lives or provide options that they weren't aware of, or even chewing them out a bit because they're not looking at really great paths that they have laid out right in front of them, opening the doors to a new direction that they couldn't bring themselves to see is key.

Jared: The energizing vs. exhausting exercise is really interesting. I'll be taking that, thank youuuu.

Chris: Was there anything particular you can remember your friends doing or saying that helped you when you were out of work?

Sean: We can't all be what we want to become though! Sometimes we just have do whatever it takes to pay our bills. So, what then?

Nathan: I really like that, "hope and perspective." Done and done.

@logan I say do what you have to until you can do what you want to (i.e., pays your bills and fulfills you). The other option, which I've done, is to stop buying things we don't need to impress people we don't really care about. Sell everything you own, move in with your parents, and work towards what you want to do until you achieve it.

I wouldn't recommend it if I hadn't done all these things myself.

@Logan I would say the encouraging words, providing leads on potential job opportunities, keeping me included on social activities. These meant a lot to me. I know a coworker who told me when they lost their job they also lost their friends. In which I responded "They were never your friends."