There are *many* statistics that show female power and female likability are inversely correlated, but I want to think this is changing.

See this 1996 Fortune article by Pattie Sellers called "Women, Sex & Power." It tells the stories of 7 successful women in traditionally male-dominated fields like energy and finance. There is a rah-rah aggressiveness to its descriptions, which seems to be less and less prevalent in 2012.

These days, similar profiles are nuanced and personal and the women are shown in the context of their family and professional lives — as mothers, friends, bosses, leaders. (See 2012 NYMag Jenna Lyons profile below.)

Jessica tells us to pursue power and disregard likability, but are the two still a tradeoff?

I actually think some of the focus on nuance (work life balance, having it all, etc) is a negative in that they all assume that what women REALLY want is less time at work and more time at home. But that's just me!

Yes, that's very fair. I sort of truncated that thought a bit. More:

Pattie's article starts by saying "They don't play the man's game, literally or figuratively. They don't act like men or think like them. They never dress in androgynous suits and those homely bow ties." It's like... love it or hate it, we're here! Take notice, men! And watch out! We're gunning for you! That has always seemed to be the core of the "unlikable" thing among professional women.

Any by comparison, the Jenna Lyons profile opens by praising her taste and judgment and says soon after that the way J Crew moves product is by "showing 'em a picture of Jenna" wearing it. She's the definition of likable. The accomplishment is a given. SHE is front and center.

I come at this from a totally different angle. As a black woman I have the intersectionality of race and gender to balance. The stereotype is that black women are sassy, bitchy and have a bad attitude in general. So working in heavily male environments I am not not afforded the leeway to decide whether I want to pursue power or be likable because I am already having to overcompensate for the automatic perception that I will be hard to get along with and mean.

Here is an article from Harvard Business Review discussing this point more in detail.
blogs.hbr.org

I should add that it isn't just all male environments this is in any environment where I am significant minority regardless of the genders present.

Can we edit our comments?

Super interesting. Re: editing - Not yet! We're working on it + know it's important (not just nice) to have, though.

Agreed, Jessica. The focus on nuance is almost always directed at women and basically relegates work-life balance to be a woman's priority/problem.

Studies are consistently showing that the more successful women are, the less they are liked. Since female likability is an impossible social construct and until a cultural shift happens it's smarter for women to pursue power over likability.

Kristi- I'm right there with you

On one hand, I agree with Jess's premise—authenticity should win over likability every time. But I do think successful women should go out of their way to be generous and helpful to other women who are just coming up. Women are called bitches by their threatened male co-workers, but they're also called bitches by other women who feel they're keeping their success close to the vest. Sidestepping that jealous bullshit men expect out of women—the "catty" factor—is just as important than not caring about being likable. And I don't think the two are mutually exclusive; just think of Miranda Priestley's icily awesome recommendation letter at the end of Devil Wears Prada.

How do you guys think that this structural shift will occur, in which women do not have to be 'bitchy' to have power?
Do we want to continue the cycle, or perhaps call for a new movement to empower girls to speak their minds in a different manner, rather than empower them to seek power through being 'bitchy' .

While the stats do suggest that "success and likability are negatively correlated for women", the stats also state that companies prove to be more successful with women execs. Women are generally more thoughtful, and well-rounded thinkers. I would not want to see these traits vanish, as they are the traits that, in the end, make the world a better place.

Kristy, thanks for the article - I'll read tonight. Like I said in the piece, how realistic it is for women to abandon likeability is definitely up for question, especially when you take identity and issues like structural racism and classism into account.

Nona, agreed. To me, there's a difference between likeability - which is all about pleasing others - and being accessible. Helping out other women in the workplace isn't so much about being liked as it about being kind...in fact it's kind of the opposite of likeability in that it's not about what that other person thinks of you as much as it is about doing something for them.

Love this conversation but am running out to an event. Will check back tonight/tomorrow morning!

@jessica Definitely true! The motivations are different.

I also think there's this crazy myth that women don't support other women--giving ammo to the stereotype of catty/nasty women.

The emphasis on authenticity is what strikes me across all of these pieces.

Rather than focusing on likability or not as a means to an end - here professional success - I prefer the idea of acting in a way that best reflects who you are.

Something I'm finding really interesting in terms of response to the piece is that some men are insulted by the idea that dudes broadly find successful women unlikeable. That somehow this is a gender stereotype. (Interestingly, I never said it was just men - women find other women who are successful unlikeable as well) goodmenproject.com