Y'all, I CAN'T.

We're all just jealous. Right.

I'm gonna release some nudes

Guys thank you for including me in a branch about hot women. I'm honored

Leslie I'd love to see your nudes

On a cold day like this, it's good to know women are hot.

RELEASE THE NUDES

Id say im more lukewarm

I'm wearing a bathing suit right now.

(it's all we have to contribute at this point)

Katie I got some nudes for you. Real hot nudes. Real medical shit

Damn gurl

Leslie can you vine these nudes pls

ALL OF THE NUDES (to the tune of ALL OF THE LIGHTS)

xtra nude i want y'all to see this

Katie is this the right place to have a talk about speculoos spread?

I would like a slideshow of the 40 weirdest, most medical nudes

I'm more interested in the 40 Best Micropenises TBH

40 powerbottoms

CUMplex thank u thank u

40 Hottest Women in Tech = very #spreadable content

We could invite Luke Winkie to this branch

Yes please, i want to discuss my temperature with him

lets ask 4 his n00dz

vice.com

Silicon Valley's 80 Most Climbable Peaks

twitter.com

I added him to the branch

What's a normal-looking woman, Luke?

SHOW US THE ORIGINAL DRAFT

Winkie

I'm sorry for that.

I like to put my macbook on my uterus when I have period cramps. HOTTEST WOMAN IN TECH ALERT

Cool list: 40 normal looking women who are cool

twitter.com

AMINA be careful you might cook your eggs

OMG invite her

Done

best branch i finally get it this is what its forrrrrrrrr

A BRANCH IS BORN

halle berry hallelujah i get it

"I dont have a link" twitter.com

ladies who branch

The formidable redwood of the patriarchy shall be dismantled one Branch at a time

What was the original list? 40 ladies on the internet?

(this branch obviously had to be birthed by women because they're better suited to the work of midwifery)

honestly my favorite part of the complex "slideshow" is how he he got all of their jobs wrong. NO FACT CHECKING AT COMPLEX?! ugh BLOGS ARE THE WORST

40 Females Who Own A Laptop

Shani pls add 28 more women and then just publish this branch under the same headline

I can use Twitter on my phone

Katie should get a real pic instead of balloons we can't tell if she's hot

@silvia done

Most of us are actually just professional typists who wear glasses

he just tweeted this at me twitlonger.com

brb changing my twitter bio to say "mostly normal looking"

I'm gonna use my Groupon for boudoir photos and switch my av to that

40 women who have decent data plans

J, I'm on wifi. So great #tech

Woooooah y'all, the internet just happened to me

Hi katie!

Welcome to Branch

Any way we can make this branch a slideshow?

Seamless is a woman in tech. (I have no invites left, just saying)

Yeah, I think slideshows are easier for women like us to digest

haha, dude says he did it for the paycheck - what's the going rate for Complex slideshows?

Someone get Seamless in this Branch

i'm OUT OF INVITES where's mallory

Seamless code: HOTWOMEN25

yo i fux with some seamless

20 best meals i'd order the shit out of on seamless right not #hotwomen25

*hot meals

like meat loaf or a panini or something

using a smart phone and over dressed as we speak. LADIES.

Must show tits to receive discount

someone invite maura

It's five hundred (500) dollars. He literally texted me four days ago basically saying "Complex wants me to do this thing and I know it's shitty but... it's $500." I told him what I thought, which he responded to with "$500."

Can we talk about how half the "women in tech" were G4 hosts

I invited maura!

I dunno yo. I would write Hottest Men In Tech for $50 and 25% off seamless code.

Whoa that's like $12.50 per girl!

hot and crusty women in tech is going to be my lunch slide show ft. soup and breads

chicks man

It seems weird that complex paid the full 500 when they had to "re-write" the list

"It disgusts me how willing people are to obliterate any humanity and dignity [women]* might have." *lightly edited salon.com

Veronica: We'll never know because he doesn't have the link to the original list

Can I please see the Google Doc of the draft with track changes, thanks Luke Winkie

40 Hottest Women In Tech Who Will Soon Be Retro Housewives

i didn't click through the whole thing (lol or past page one) -- DID JULIA ALLISON MAKE IT

sorry leslie google docs was probably murdered

Yo can someone approve @AmyVernon? She wants to get in on this

Apparently you can either be hot and work for G4 or look "normal" and be "cool." Choices, ladies. We got em twitter.com

Welp, I have a solitary four hour drive I have to take now which will be spent in a state of silent regret and shame at my life and dating choices!!!! bye guys

blam.gif

<3 u boo godbless

Bye Katie! Thanks for the ~deetz~

WAIT is this leaning in?????? we are leaning IN

Katie for hottest lady on branch! thanksgodbless

Leaning in and showing cleavage

40 Babes I Wish Would Lean In On Me, If You Know What I Mean

lent

Quick someone invite Hot Woman In Tech Sheryl Sandberg

Hi guys! just got a fresh cup of tea #heatingup

ugh need emoji here

Lean

Mostly Normal Looking Or Not Dot Com

The 40 hottest-in-photos-but-not-that-hot-in-person people in tech.

40 Monets in Tech

but seriously, not unprecedented for our colleagues carrying the Y chromosome: google.com

The 40 Not Hot Hot But Like Cute Women In Tech

"He smelled so good I just wanted to bite him!"

40 hot vampires in tech

OH MY! there are some rill keuties in the refinery29 post
refinery29.com

Thanks for adding me ladies

The 40 okay-looking women I'd maybe hire

ok but the buzzfeed one on dudes is by Dell, a literal computer

or one is anyway

I'd hit it with the Dell Dude

40 people in tech i would love if i had a soul, by a Dell computer

businessinsider.com

The 40 Women in Tech Who Used to Be Hot But Are Old Now

I smell people in SF every day and nibble-able is not how I'd describe anyone

dude yr getting a slideshow

The 40 Least-Smelly Men in Tech

hot guy in tech

40 Men In Tech Who Didn't Use Hoverrounds To Navigate CES But Will In a Few Years, Probably

40 best-smelling actual computers

40 butterface tech ninjas

Am I a Woman in tech if I work in social media? By A Woman

40 Dudes In Tech Who Like Felt And Leather Accessories For Their Electronics

does 'tech' just mean 'internet'? discuss

Wait why is Jenna here, aren't we all supposed to hate you now?

yeah they turned "tech" into "people who work at places that have websites"

is my jewelry+snaxx startup real tech? or just soft tech?

"soft tech"

the 20 hottest women in tech who wrote about losing things in their vagina would be a really great way to put a bow on this week

smh. complex spelled Rachel's name wrong... and they used her maiden name.

flaccid tech?

40 hottest women that make soft tech hard

gentle delicate soft lady tech like detergent and

hot, soft tech

The Hottest Women In Tech Who Are Bitches Because They Asked Men Politely To Stop Being Asswipes.

soft-core tech

Welp, I just thought about the word "teledildonics" for the first time since grad school (NSFWish).

40 women we'd like to grind-core tech

soft pilable but firm tech that could only be yours for the taking

40 Best Snacks in Tech

twitter.com Complex Mag's tweet wording to promote the piece is somehow even choicer

HOW INCLUSIVE

I would totally scroll through a slideshow about the 40 best snacks in tech.

@amy I second that

i love the @replies to that omg

@amy third

Ok now compiling best snacks who wants to publish me

So far I have: bugles, Cheez-Its

I don't have any traffic, but I'll totally publish the best snacks. I'm sure someone here can get you a better offer.

BUGLES? Love.

Funyuns. Funyuns need to be on the list.

honey nut chex

i like the cranberry trail mix fresh direct carries

spicy kale chips

Im a fan of goldfish (cheddar)

I love cereal.

Golden Grahams and Life

ok if we're going cereals let's make room for Cracklin' Oat Bran

this tweet is so amazing twitter.com

For me it's my charming personality that opens the arms

is this offish a snaxxBranch now? because i want the entire world to know that cracked pepper triscuit is the truth.