At what point in human evolution did the first pink-clad, sash-wearing, tiara-bedecked bride-to-be smirk into her vodka shot and declare, "you know what this party really needs? A CAKE SHAPED LIKE A PENIS!"

I confess to bearing strong and not necessarily mainstream (in America or Trinidad, anyway) views on the wedding-industrial-complex. But I find it hard to understand an event that imposes games like "wrap the bride to be in toilet paper!" as anything but a cruel trick pulled by the patriarchy.

[Originally in #awesomewomen issue of Dec 9 2012]

I always thought that the whole idea of bachelor/bachelorette parties as ridiculous. A bachelor party is basically a "last meal" of debauchery before a man metaphorically dies and becomes a husband. It's always seemed to me that anyone who feels the need to get one last lap dance and drink themselves sick before they get married probably isn't ready to get married. And the birth of the bachelorette party always seemed to me like a trying-to-play-with-the-boys response of hysterically hypersexual women either insecure with the thought that their fiance might be enjoying strippers with their friends... or immature women who also need one last hurrah before they sign their lives away. It's all just nonsensical gender performance to me.

But then again, I am but a wee child who knows nothing of these things. Still, I just can't imagine how someone truly content with their choice to get married would need any more than cocktails and cake with close friends for a pre-wedding party.... college-style ragers seem desperate (on either sex).

Anyone who's actually had/been to a bachelorette party - feel free to tell me I'm wrong!

''A bachelor party is basically a "last meal" of debauchery before a man metaphorically dies and becomes a husband". All the awards.

Yes...the stereotypical bachelor and bachelorette parties that are drunken debaucheries are a bizarre cultural phenomenon. But many guys will have a fishing trip for a bachelor party; my bachelorette party was a karaoke night with girlfriends...no body shots or strippers necessary. Most of my friends are married and I never went to the type of bachelorette party you describe. It's a certain type of person who feels the need to 'celebrate' that way...the type of person you describe above. But lots of women have spa-days for their bachelorettes, and you just wouldn't know it because it's not in your face. So I don't think it's as pervasive as you might thing. That being said, the fact that it happens at all could be troublesome.

I wonder how overrepresented rager-style bachelor/ette parties are in the media? It feels like you never see the sensible, fun-but-not-debauched kind of parties in movies or on TV. It could be a representation issue - it's overrepresented in the media, so more people consider it the "normal" thing to do, so it happens more in real life, which supports to more media representations...

Haylin, I think your analysis about the media is spot on. But if you google something like 'types of bachelorette parties' you'll find suggestions about paint-a-pot parties, spa days, as well as the classic stripper thing. But based on my real-life experience, I don't get too upset about the bachelorette party thing because I know plenty of them are just like any other fun party you'd want to have with your girlfriends.

I think there is a generational issue here, too. Every single bachelerotte party to which I have attended/been invited over the past five years that was hosted by someone under 32 was of the penis cake variety. Every single one - London, Trinidad, NYC.

Wow, I'd think it would be getting better, not worse! I felt like when my friends were getting married, we were evolving more and more away from the penis cake parties. Maybe you need to hang with my friends :-)

Oh, right, maybe women who get married younger (i.e., under 30) are more likely to have penis cake type parties but if you get married older (i.e., over 30), you're done with that type of party. It's kind of upsetting.